


Post-Date Talks With The Faceless Old Woman (who secretly lives in your home)

by TerribleTerribleOrbs



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Awkward Carlos, Awkward Carlos (Welcome to Night Vale), Carlos and Cecil are Dorks, Carlos is a Dork, Cecilos Fluff, M/M, Post-Episode: e027 First Date, The Faceless Old Woman is pretty alright when she's not trying to kill Cecil, fluff basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 12:50:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16765504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerribleTerribleOrbs/pseuds/TerribleTerribleOrbs
Summary: Carlos is convinced he COMPLETELY ruined his first date with Cecil. Surprisingly, one of the town's faceless residents is the one to help him feel better about it.





	Post-Date Talks With The Faceless Old Woman (who secretly lives in your home)

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly just really, really wanted to write a Faceless Old Woman and Carlos interaction. Sooooooo here's this? I'm thinking about making it into a series (focused on interactions with the Faceless Old Woman) because it was really fun to write, but idk.

“You _idiot_ . You _actual buffoon_ . You _moron_.”

Carlos slumped into one of the chairs in his lab, sighing rather dramatically compared to his usual behavior. He heard a sound like a woman with rather long and sharp nails crawling across his ceiling, but dared not look up. He felt something like hair brush across his neck, and then there was oddly cold breath on his ear.

“I assume the date didn’t go well.” The scream Carlos emitted was _not_ very majestic, and neither was his impressive fall from where he had been sitting. The sound of crawling was there again, as was the sensation of cold breath - albeit a little further away - and suddenly a voice was whispering in his ear again. “Oh, relax, Carlos. Have you never been spoken to by me before? I think you have, Carlos, you _have_.” It took a few moments of silent panic before Carlos registered the voice in his head.

“...Faceless Old Woman?”

“Who Secretly Lives In Your Home, yes. Don’t overreact to my prescience, Carlos. It’s a bit offensive - and if you’re not careful, I’ll stop eating the mice here. Your lab has a serious infestation, Carlos. If I stop eating them-”

“Please _do_ .” The scientist groaned, sitting up slightly. “They’re _supposed_ to be here - you can’t do science without several mice in metal cages!” After a moment, he added: “Not that we actually experiment on them. Animal cruelty is _not_ endorsed by whatever college I came from.” (had had given up on actually remembering it’s name).

“Whatever.” The soft voice in his ear turned cold for a moment, before quickly becoming eager again. “Tell me how the date went. I’ve been looking forward to hearing about it - at least, I’ve been looking forward to it as much as an immortal being could look forward to human affairs.”

“Oh, um.” Carlos didn’t want to come off as rude, but… “I don’t really know. There was one part that I really, _really_ enjoyed - but the rest was a complete flop. You’ll probably hear all about it tomorrow, on Cecil’s show.” Wait. At the realization that Cecil would, undoubtedly, complain about ‘Perfect Carlos’s’ _terrible_ first date, Carlos let out another groan.

“I’ll just watch the Secret Police’s footage, if you won’t tell me.” The Faceless Old Woman purred, and Carlos felt the lack of cold breath on his ear. Part of him was extremely grateful to not have that feeling anymore, but the other part wanted desperatly to rant.

“wAIT! Faceless Old Woman!”

“Who Secretly Lives In Your Home. Honestly Carlos, you need to say it all. It is an important title.” The Faceless Old Woman (who secretly lives in your home) snapped. Literally. She snapped for emphasis after making her point. Carlos saw the faintest movement in the corner of his eyes when she had finished talking.

“S-sorry. Anyway - I’ll tell you about the date. I need to rant.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Not about Cecil - about _me_. I was a blunder that entire date.”

“Not so surprising, but continue.”

“Ugh.” Carlos stood up from the floor, immediately deciding to pace around the lab. “It was going ok until I tried to hold a real conversation with him - guess what I said.”

“Literally? Or was that a metaphorical question?”

“I had _wanted_ to say something like ‘I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately!’ or ‘I was thinking about this night almost _all_ of that first year.’ Y'know? Just something suave and _perfect_ \- but instead-instead I said ‘I’ve been thinking.’ and when Cecil asked what about, I forgot all about being suave and just said ‘That’s what Scientists do.’!”

“But… that is what scientists do, is it not?”

“It _is_ , and in any other setting it would have been a totally normal thing to say, but on a date? I mean, I forgot my own damn line.” Carlos huffed.

“I think it sounds a bit sweet. Nobody would ever or should ever say that on a date, but it’s cute.”

“Then I suggested we did science on the trees. _Science. On. The. Trees.”_

“That’s a third date activity.”

“I know! I just got excited, and Cecil likes doing Science with me, so... “ Carlos waved his hands absently, as though doing so could somehow conjure forth a reasonable explanation. “I read some blogs on Night Vale dating - all written locally - and all of them said experimentation should be reserved for later in the relationship.”

“I don’t think that book was talking about scientific experimentation.”

“I got kind of carried away with the science. I was so focused on the dang trees that I barely even spoke to him for like thirty minutes!”

“He touched your face at one point - that was cute. You didn’t even notice, though.”

“What?”

“I sent one of my selves to watch the security footage of your date. There’s one of me in every house - I just sent one of them to the secret police’s station.”

“He touched my face.”

“Very sweetly.” Carlos felt a blush creep across his face. Cecil had touched his face - very sweetly? - and Carlos hadn’t even acknowledged it.

“Ugggh.”

“I wasn’t sure if you’d react happily or badly to that information.”

“I mean - I’m happy he touched my face.” As if for emphasis, Carlos raised one of his own hands to his cheek. It was exceedingly warm. “But I didn’t even notice! Ugh - he must think I’m some sort of asshole.” Carlos didn’t dropped his scarred hand back down to his side, wishing instead for Cecil’s rather smooth one. “That’s not even the worst of it though.”

“Oh?” The Faceless Old Woman sounded rather amused. Carlos nodded, and finally slumped into the chair he had previously been sitting in.

“Cecil wanted to come in, help with that buzzing shadow problem,” Carlos gestured to his window for emphasis, which allowed a view into a world of dark, buzzing shadow figures vibrating across the roads. Had he not been so preoccupied with complaining, he would have been a bit more panicked at the scene. “But I said ‘No, a Scientist is self-reliant. That’s the first thing a scientist is.’. Can you believe that? I mean - seriously? What was I even _thinking_.”

“You’ve stated that ‘a scientist is self reliant’ at least a dozen times since you arrived in Night Vale.”

“And it’s true! Usually. It was just a dumb thing to end a date with. Honestly, I’m surprised he didn’t throw me out of the car right there. But no, instead he was just as understanding and kind as usual, and just said ‘no’ in a kind-of-disappointed-but-really-it’s-not-your-fault way. Thank god I had enough sense to kiss him.” He added, suddenly a bit happier. “That part was nice. Really nice.”

“Then why are you worrying?”

“Because it was a disaster!”

“Not to Cecil.”

“How do you know?”

“Carlos.” The Faceless Old Woman whispered sternly into his ear. “He sounded disappointed, meaning that he was disappointed to leave you after that date. He enjoyed that date enough to be disappointed.” And suddenly, Carlos was grinning like an idiot. “Also,” The Faceless Old Woman added, “I live in Cecil’s home - I can see him right now. He keeps raising his hands to his mouth and letting out this little half-sigh half-giggle. He’s surprisingly happy.” Carlos himself let out a weird strangled mix of giggling and some unholy, but equally enthusiastic, sound.

“tHat'S ADoRaBlE.”

“Please do not make that sound again.” Newly invigorated with a fresh sense of deep affection for Cecil and self confidence, Carlos bounced off of the chair.

“I have do to some science. Save the town and all that.” He grinned, setting off for his Bunsen burners. “Oh - also, did you do something new to your nails? They sounded different when you were crawling around on my ceiling.”

“Oh, thank you for noticing, Carlos. I stole one of Pamela Winchell’s nail fials after she hired exterminators to remove all those delicious mice in her apartment - it works wonders.”

“Keep usin’ it. Also thanks, Faceless Old Woman. I needed a description of Cecil being adorable to… help me.” And with that, Carlos actually set off to get his science materials. Behind him, crawling across the ceiling once more, The Faceless Old Woman hissed about Carlos forgetting the rest of her name, but said nothing of it. She would just carve her name into all of his favorite shirts - it would probably communicate the message thoroughly.


End file.
